Till all else fails
And everything pales
And the soul has all but fled
Music will engulf me
At once greater and higher
Than I ever will be
But when we’re one
We will soar
To the memory of that tune
We will be the muse
Together, you and I my friend
We will conquer fear
Revel in the darkness
Dance the madness
Release the freedom
Till every moment stretches
To a fine balance
To the depths we will go
Till we can't anymore
And shatter
Into shards
Sharper than swords
Together you and I
When we find it hard to see
We’ll hide
From the light that hurts the eye
And let the darkness cloak us
Where the tune plays
Till there is time to stray
We will win and lose
And play the fool
And be the world’s dupe
And still the music will play
Together you and I
We will live
Till all the dances of this world are done
And then find another
Till seven times seven is none
Till beauty fails to sway
We will delay
Our stay
Till we can run no more
After every wild flower
Till we can love no more
The darkest corner of our hearts
Till we can feel no more
The exquisite pain of the world
Together you and I
We will sing
Till we empty all the poison
That throttles every heart
Till we can cry no more
For all we could have been
Till we can steal no more
Of these hours
From the hands of our jealous lords
Let us play
Together you and I my friend
We will leave it till the morrow
And return
To find it still
In the vale
That tune, that song playing
And I will knock on your door
Once more
And together you and I
Will sit
And discover the tune
Once again…
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
On Reading the Bell Jar*
"God is dead, and we have killed him, you and I!" *
Nothing stays. Everything dulls.
There is sparkle. Moments, hours of life.
But nothing stays.
The rest seems duller by comparison.
It was but 3 days.
It is in my mind I said.
The cold. The distance.
All in the mind.
The awkwardness.
To start again.
Restless pacing,
Closing rooms.
Run. As far away as you can.
“Quick! They’re here.”
This moment. This very moment.
I hear laughter.
Who was it?
I turn to find no one there.
It was all in jest,
But I remember.
Dismissal is not easy,
Forgetting a relief rarely found,
What forgiveness then?
Words words words words
Is there no escaping them?
Free falling.
There is no such thing.
God is dead.
Will prayer help?
In letting go
Can it? Can you?
Help me?
Tell me?
Implode.
Eyes eyes all around.
Looking. probing. Demanding
Retreat,
Not heroic.
Turn in.
Cease.
Ring a line around.
A fossil,
Trapped in amber.
I cannot move.
Everything marches in a straight line to death,
Ceasing.
People spewing out of homes, buses, cars,
Revolting.
All busy, everyone with somewhere to go.
Something to do.
The bell jar* shuts
The last breath escapes
The eyes close
As if it never was
* The Bell Jar: Sylvia Plath
* Nietzsche: Thus spoke Zarathustra
Nothing stays. Everything dulls.
There is sparkle. Moments, hours of life.
But nothing stays.
The rest seems duller by comparison.
It was but 3 days.
It is in my mind I said.
The cold. The distance.
All in the mind.
The awkwardness.
To start again.
Restless pacing,
Closing rooms.
Run. As far away as you can.
“Quick! They’re here.”
This moment. This very moment.
I hear laughter.
Who was it?
I turn to find no one there.
It was all in jest,
But I remember.
Dismissal is not easy,
Forgetting a relief rarely found,
What forgiveness then?
Words words words words
Is there no escaping them?
Free falling.
There is no such thing.
God is dead.
Will prayer help?
In letting go
Can it? Can you?
Help me?
Tell me?
Implode.
Eyes eyes all around.
Looking. probing. Demanding
Retreat,
Not heroic.
Turn in.
Cease.
Ring a line around.
A fossil,
Trapped in amber.
I cannot move.
Everything marches in a straight line to death,
Ceasing.
People spewing out of homes, buses, cars,
Revolting.
All busy, everyone with somewhere to go.
Something to do.
The bell jar* shuts
The last breath escapes
The eyes close
As if it never was
* The Bell Jar: Sylvia Plath
* Nietzsche: Thus spoke Zarathustra
Thursday, June 26, 2008
So she woke up
She looked at the pages of the open notebook. At the few lines scribbled across the page. Painfully, it seemed. Another attempt to put things down. Seal them in ink and the past. Some nonsense she had picked up about dealing with things that way. But the page disgusted her, as did the colour of the ink, the handwriting, even the carefully chosen pen. If only it could be like writing-a-difficult-letter-crunching-up-one-sheet-after-the-other-movie-moment. She smiled ruefully at herself.
So she woke up
Woke up to where she was
And remembered where she'd been
In white rooms and dark spaces
From the outside to the inside
To where it all began
From fear to hope and then back again
Between uncountable glasses of Vodka
And interminable moments of giving up and giving in
So she woke up
Woke up to where she was
And took a walk
Along the river
Up those stairs which lead somewhere
If only she could see past the mist
Clawing forward
To the dark side of the moon
So she woke up
Woke up to where she was
And longed for who she'd been
A dreamer of a million words
Of countless dreams
Healer of the broken
Chaser of every whim
The many different people
Blinding Tuesdays and everyday Fridays
So she woke up
And lay still
Wondering how it all came to pass
"Talk", they said. You must.
How could she?
Every word shut up behind a word.
The pages of her book.
Kept there long enough it would cease.
So she woke up
And shut up
Every word behind a word
Erased every syllable so she couldn't feel
How could she?
She had left that path a long time ago
So she woke up to where she'd lost
Woke up to strangeness
To herself
And went back to sleep
For she did not like what she did see
Pillars falling, legends crawling
Death parading
As life slipped away
So she woke up
Woke up to voices
That long forgotten song
Come back to us they summoned
Return to the light
To us. To us.
Whatever for?
What does the light have?
She had forgotten her way
So she woke up
Woke up to leave
Taking fragments, shreds, moments
To piece together the maze again
In dreams of open spaces
Foggy memories
So she woke up
To rest
To herself
Maybe she'd had too much to dream last night*
So she opened the pages. To write again. And smiled.
*U2: Running to stand still – The Joshua Tree
*Tanmay Sahay's gmail status message.
So she woke up
Woke up to where she was
And remembered where she'd been
In white rooms and dark spaces
From the outside to the inside
To where it all began
From fear to hope and then back again
Between uncountable glasses of Vodka
And interminable moments of giving up and giving in
So she woke up
Woke up to where she was
And took a walk
Along the river
Up those stairs which lead somewhere
If only she could see past the mist
Clawing forward
To the dark side of the moon
So she woke up
Woke up to where she was
And longed for who she'd been
A dreamer of a million words
Of countless dreams
Healer of the broken
Chaser of every whim
The many different people
Blinding Tuesdays and everyday Fridays
So she woke up
And lay still
Wondering how it all came to pass
"Talk", they said. You must.
How could she?
Every word shut up behind a word.
The pages of her book.
Kept there long enough it would cease.
So she woke up
And shut up
Every word behind a word
Erased every syllable so she couldn't feel
How could she?
She had left that path a long time ago
So she woke up to where she'd lost
Woke up to strangeness
To herself
And went back to sleep
For she did not like what she did see
Pillars falling, legends crawling
Death parading
As life slipped away
So she woke up
Woke up to voices
That long forgotten song
Come back to us they summoned
Return to the light
To us. To us.
Whatever for?
What does the light have?
She had forgotten her way
So she woke up
Woke up to leave
Taking fragments, shreds, moments
To piece together the maze again
In dreams of open spaces
Foggy memories
So she woke up
To rest
To herself
Maybe she'd had too much to dream last night*
So she opened the pages. To write again. And smiled.
*U2: Running to stand still – The Joshua Tree
*Tanmay Sahay's gmail status message.
Friday, February 1, 2008
The Story of V and Me
The story of V and me
Once upon a time there lived two friends in the big bad world of a big city. Their friendship knew no bounds, they were always as one and they never fought. Through all they stood by each other…. the music rises to a crescendo and then…the music falters, the lights dim.
Location: Office Cab.
SMS: Mr.Ch:There is a girl sitting across me in the cab. N she is beautiful! And she is at least an 8.5 on PEG. Hmm and that's when I heard of her first.
Plot and conspire with a certain admirer to find an excuse to visit the training room. General impression of kohl and long skirt.
Location : A party.
She is wearing a yellow T-shirt and the impression gets clearer.Someone is playing 'kajra re'. She dosen't take no for an answer. It is impossible not to get carried along with the exuberance.
Location: Board Room
Meeting with the biggies.Bonding about the size of someone's nose trying our best not to giggle like school girls. Promises made of sponsored plastic surgery for offsprings.
Rickshaw ride from Phase 3 to the malls.
We have an enthusiastic chariot rider. V warns him to rein in his horses a little. Next thing we know we are hanging on to our lives as the noble steed gets blinsided by a mordern day chariot! It slides and tips dangerously to the left. We escape unscathed.
We get off the injured carrier and assess the situation, look each other in the eye and give in to hysterical laughter. We can't stop and the onlookers think we are wonky.
Location: Yet another party!!!
V (after 3 breezers): N, you love me more than P don't you?
N:Yes, ofcourse I do!
V:(after 4 breezers): Tell me na!!!!
N:Arre you are my sister!
K:V asked me not to tell you this but I think she is a little jealous of P.
N: I knowwww! She has told me already.
V: (umm after many many many breezers)N you have to tell her that you love me more than her!
N:(having taken temporary leave of her senses, walks up to P)P I love V more than I love you!
Ooops!
Location : BigChill.
Dinner over, on my way back homeI find myself telling her something I have never told another living soul. The demons of the past.
Location: Times Global Village.
The sun beats down and a body broken down with the past unloads its pain. The loss of innocence is a cruel cruel thing.
Part 2:
"And the meanings get left behind…
All the innocence lost in one time.."
and they say all good things come to an end....
Location:TGIF: V, M and N
V: (eyes glistening with mischief and joy) I had a dream…
N: No!! No!!! No way.
M: Smiles at us
Location:Landmark ( The evening after the night after which things would never be the same again.)
N: You know I was kidding right..
V: No I was.
Hahahaha. We even thought of the same lie to make each other feel better.
That it would not sully our relationship. Oh why? Why? The one pure thing in our lives, who did it displease?
Location: Staying Alive(5:30 in the evening)
"I am better off without you in my life.. "
What madness? What pain? What cry is this?
From whence this dark..
Is it really me? Is it really her?
Oh where are the smiles? Or is it all a mask on a mask to cover a mask?
We are all different behind the eyes.
"I said I don't know whether I was the boxer or the bag"
Location: The Bermuda Triangle.
Dance with me? Cold shoulder. Over and over and over again. Why?
So now have we come to taking revenge?
Does it always come down to this?
Do all roads lead to disillusionment?
Location: 1929.
" Did I dissapont you?"
Leave a bad taste in your mouth?"
Don't ever talk to me again! Just leave me alone!"
"Oh all the innocence lost in one time
We may need to hide tonight."
Part 3
"So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again..."
So how did it all come to pass? Where did the pain end and the healing begin?
And I held her and she held me. Oh how many times have I found my sister?
Woken up knowing she would message me?
Location: Bombay.
After chugging wine a little too quickly, pictures clicked, defences dropped and videos shot.
V:"I''d give up anything for her."
N:Kitli please!
V: Mera sar ghoom raha hai!
N: Sar ke saath tu bhi ghoom.
With departures?
V: I m doing this for all of us.
Setting up a new life.
Insisting on freedom?
N: There are blacks and whites and greys. And it's all a part of you. Whats done cannot be undone but it can be accepted.
SMS: V: N, tell me what's wrong…I know something has happened! You know my instinct about you is so strong.
Location: Google talk.
Confessions.
I knew it. I knew it would happen.
Giving up or giving in? Letting go or letting in?
With helpless laughter?
Location: CCD in Pune.
Icchha dhaari naagin….Freudian slip V??
You laugh so hard people look around convinced that you have taken leave of your senses!
Location: Countless messages. And ofcourse...
A healthy dose of phur-phurness, the patience to reply to all shampoo related emergencies, a zillion trips to Prem's, traipsing off to Buzz at a moments notice in a sari, walking out of theatres, bunking work, notes on scraps of paper and tissue papers, pacts signed,reading each other's minds, letters written from across countries, surviving the craziest year of all.
V:I want a nice new year message.
N: For you V, a thousand times over.
Once upon a time there lived two friends in the big bad world of a big city. Their friendship knew no bounds, they were always as one and they never fought. Through all they stood by each other…. the music rises to a crescendo and then…the music falters, the lights dim.
Location: Office Cab.
SMS: Mr.Ch:There is a girl sitting across me in the cab. N she is beautiful! And she is at least an 8.5 on PEG. Hmm and that's when I heard of her first.
Plot and conspire with a certain admirer to find an excuse to visit the training room. General impression of kohl and long skirt.
Location : A party.
She is wearing a yellow T-shirt and the impression gets clearer.Someone is playing 'kajra re'. She dosen't take no for an answer. It is impossible not to get carried along with the exuberance.
Location: Board Room
Meeting with the biggies.Bonding about the size of someone's nose trying our best not to giggle like school girls. Promises made of sponsored plastic surgery for offsprings.
Rickshaw ride from Phase 3 to the malls.
We have an enthusiastic chariot rider. V warns him to rein in his horses a little. Next thing we know we are hanging on to our lives as the noble steed gets blinsided by a mordern day chariot! It slides and tips dangerously to the left. We escape unscathed.
We get off the injured carrier and assess the situation, look each other in the eye and give in to hysterical laughter. We can't stop and the onlookers think we are wonky.
Location: Yet another party!!!
V (after 3 breezers): N, you love me more than P don't you?
N:Yes, ofcourse I do!
V:(after 4 breezers): Tell me na!!!!
N:Arre you are my sister!
K:V asked me not to tell you this but I think she is a little jealous of P.
N: I knowwww! She has told me already.
V: (umm after many many many breezers)N you have to tell her that you love me more than her!
N:(having taken temporary leave of her senses, walks up to P)P I love V more than I love you!
Ooops!
Location : BigChill.
Dinner over, on my way back homeI find myself telling her something I have never told another living soul. The demons of the past.
Location: Times Global Village.
The sun beats down and a body broken down with the past unloads its pain. The loss of innocence is a cruel cruel thing.
Part 2:
"And the meanings get left behind…
All the innocence lost in one time.."
and they say all good things come to an end....
Location:TGIF: V, M and N
V: (eyes glistening with mischief and joy) I had a dream…
N: No!! No!!! No way.
M: Smiles at us
Location:Landmark ( The evening after the night after which things would never be the same again.)
N: You know I was kidding right..
V: No I was.
Hahahaha. We even thought of the same lie to make each other feel better.
That it would not sully our relationship. Oh why? Why? The one pure thing in our lives, who did it displease?
Location: Staying Alive(5:30 in the evening)
"I am better off without you in my life.. "
What madness? What pain? What cry is this?
From whence this dark..
Is it really me? Is it really her?
Oh where are the smiles? Or is it all a mask on a mask to cover a mask?
We are all different behind the eyes.
"I said I don't know whether I was the boxer or the bag"
Location: The Bermuda Triangle.
Dance with me? Cold shoulder. Over and over and over again. Why?
So now have we come to taking revenge?
Does it always come down to this?
Do all roads lead to disillusionment?
Location: 1929.
" Did I dissapont you?"
Leave a bad taste in your mouth?"
Don't ever talk to me again! Just leave me alone!"
"Oh all the innocence lost in one time
We may need to hide tonight."
Part 3
"So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again..."
So how did it all come to pass? Where did the pain end and the healing begin?
And I held her and she held me. Oh how many times have I found my sister?
Woken up knowing she would message me?
Location: Bombay.
After chugging wine a little too quickly, pictures clicked, defences dropped and videos shot.
V:"I''d give up anything for her."
N:Kitli please!
V: Mera sar ghoom raha hai!
N: Sar ke saath tu bhi ghoom.
With departures?
V: I m doing this for all of us.
Setting up a new life.
Insisting on freedom?
N: There are blacks and whites and greys. And it's all a part of you. Whats done cannot be undone but it can be accepted.
SMS: V: N, tell me what's wrong…I know something has happened! You know my instinct about you is so strong.
Location: Google talk.
Confessions.
I knew it. I knew it would happen.
Giving up or giving in? Letting go or letting in?
With helpless laughter?
Location: CCD in Pune.
Icchha dhaari naagin….Freudian slip V??
You laugh so hard people look around convinced that you have taken leave of your senses!
Location: Countless messages. And ofcourse...
A healthy dose of phur-phurness, the patience to reply to all shampoo related emergencies, a zillion trips to Prem's, traipsing off to Buzz at a moments notice in a sari, walking out of theatres, bunking work, notes on scraps of paper and tissue papers, pacts signed,reading each other's minds, letters written from across countries, surviving the craziest year of all.
V:I want a nice new year message.
N: For you V, a thousand times over.
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